I am generally a positive person in my home life, but about six months ago it was getting really hard to be positive at work. Now, don't get me wrong- I like my job. I think it is rewarding, fun, and nurtures my creativity. However, I was really struggling with the daily grind of it all. Our center director calls it 'the whirlwind' because he attended this class and learned about The Four Disciplines of Execution. We had a Management Summit and learned all about the whirlwind and how we can't let it rule our daily lives, because then we will never succeed. Well the whirlwind was kicking my a$$ and I was not feeling like I could keep up. The tediousness of having to track things, and email, and taking time away from my agents to handle the little things. All I wanted to do was tell my agents about goals, current issues, and praise them- because I do think their job is hard. So I did what any slacker would do. I just stopped caring. I did not put in the work that I know I am capable of, I stopped doing what I knew was required of me, and I drowned myself in negativity. The funny thing is that I don't think anyone really noticed except my husband, a single co-worker, and myself. I didn't let my job slip that much. I still got really good reviews from my class and my boss and I was totally being a negative nelly. I complained (quietly) about EVERYTHING.
One day I realized that I couldn't think about anything good. Every thought I had that day led to something negative. Things like "I have a husband who loves me" led to "I can't stand how my walls are not painted". "I like my job" led to "It really sucks and I am going to get fired". Sometimes it wasn't even so simple. A thought like "This cream puff is really good" could lead to "If you eat it then you will be fat and then the husband who loves you so much will think you are ugly and then he will not love you anymore and then he will decide one day that he wants a divorce and then you won't ever get to see your dogs anymore because you will have to live in a cheap apartment that won't let you have pets and the husband will want custody of the dogs anyway so you better just pick a fight with him now so that you can get the whole thing over with now". This would be why the husband says that I have an inner dialogue and why he also says that I was being completely nuts-o.
So later that night I got to thinking about why I was being so nuts. It all led back to negativity. It is a slippery slope. One single negative thought led to all negative thought. So I decided to try this experiment. I think it really helped. I catch myself thinking good things now, instead of negative things. I finally made it to 21 days and I am so very.... content, relaxed, and happy at this moment. Positive thought is all the rage you know ;). I think that I will continue to wear my bracelet, though. Because I now have a new habit, but I also know how easy it is to slip back into the old habits. Anyway, cheers to the good life! Hooray!
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